brandiggitty:

when I stop talking and realize my therapist hasn’t said anything in a while

claire-drew:

m86:

kitfisto:

nearly the end of april.. you know what that means 

this is an advanced joke

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

pleasestopandrew:

tarynel:

What’s your fantasy?

I wake up, my debt is all paid off, my bank account is full, my relationships with my family are healthy, and I’m able to travel anywhere in the world.

zeloswildeer:

blushyarmin:

lordofthescience:

royaltyspeaking:

How to tell if it was a gunshot or fireworks: gunshots don’t echo, fireworks do. 

thaNK YOU SO MUCH

the fact that anyone might commonly need to know this terrifies me

clearly you’re not from america

kandyie:

beneath-lies:

If anyone has a sending money to strangers kink hit me up

HMU too

normanbecile:

musicofthestage:

timelordparadise:

myownlost:

I’d like to cancel my subscription to Menstrual Cycle Monthly

I’m sorry, it appears you’ve taken out a fifty-sixty year subscription. However, we can pause it for nine months as long as you sign a contract that says you’ll take out a subscription to Baby Daily for at least eighteen years

Damn those Terms and Conditions.

i didn’t even read them i’ve made a terrible mistake

danmangan:

things that are enjoyable:

• showers

things that are not enjoyable:

• getting in the shower
• getting out of the shower